Season 2

Highlighted parts denote my personal favorites.

"Bart Gets An F"
Bart studies for a history test and falls aspleep. He dreams of the signing of the Declaration of Independence and imagines the signers (sorry, I don't know much about US history) rushing out of the building to play in the snow. Someone is heard to remark, "Look, everyone! John Hancock is writing his name in the snow!"

"Treehouse of Horror"
"Hungry Are The Damned" - Lisa supsects that the Simpsons will be eaten on the alien spaceship. She shows the family the book How to Cook Humans. Kang blows dust off the book cover, revealing the title, How to Cook for Humans. When Lisa blows off more dust, the title reads, How to Cook Forty Humans. Finally, Kang blows off the last bit of space dust, revealing the title, How to Cook for Forty Humans. Also funny in this episode, it takes two tractor beams to raise Homer into the spaceship, as one beam causes a great strain on the spaceship.

"Two Cars In Every Garage And Three Eyes On Every Fish"
Bart's prayer: "Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing."

"I'm going to be sore tomorrow," says Burns after a photo shoot where he is forced to smile.

"Dancin' Homer"
Homer: For the first time in my life, people weren't laughing at me, they were laughing towards me!

"Dead Putting Society"
Homer: That shot is impossible! Jack Nicholson himself couldn't make it!

Homer: Hey, Flanders, it's no use praying. I already did the same thing, and we can't both win.

(Bart and Lisa search for books at the library)
Bart: Lisa, we can't afford all these books.
Lisa: Bart, we're just going to borrow them.
Bart: (winks, slyly) Oh, heh, heh. Gotcha.

Bart has a trophy from "Everybody Gets a Trophy Day".

"Bart The Daredevil"
Lance Murdock is performing at a monster truck rally and his newest challenge is to jump his motorcycle over a pool filled with man-eating great white sharks, electric eels, piranha, alligators, and perhaps most frightening of all, one ferocious lion. Murdock successfully makes the jump and rolls up the landing ramp to wave to his fans. However, he loses his balance and falls into the pool, being ripped to shreds by the animals. He attempts to climb out, but the lion jumps out and grabs him back in! Hilarious!

Homer jumps Springfield Gorge on a skateboard to prevent Bart from doing it. He appears to almost make it, but suddenly drops and crashes into the cliff face. He falls and hits various body parts on sharp outcroppings, finally falling to the ground only to have the skateboard smack him in the head. Later, an ambulance hauls Homer away in a hospital bed, but crashes into a tree, letting Homer roll out and down the cliff again. You have to see this for yourself!

"Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
(Homer calls in work because Maggie hit him in the head after watching Itchy & Scratchy)
Homer: You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. (listens) I told you. My baby beat me up. (listens) Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up."

"Bart Gets Hit By A Car"
(Dr. Nick Riviera is showing the family the X-ray of Bart's head after being hit by a car)
Dr. Nick: Just look at the X-rays! You see that dark spot there? Whiplash. And this smudge here, that looks like my fingerprint? No, that's trauma!

"One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
(At the Happy Sumo restaurant)
Toshiro: Mr. Simpson-san. I shall be blunt. We have reason to believe that you have eaten poison...no need to panic. There's a map to the hospital on the back of menu.

"The Way We Was"
Homer: D'oh! English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

"Homer Vs. Lisa And The 8th Commandment"
Marge: So, what did you children learn about today?
Bart: Hell.
Homer: Bart!
Bart: But that's what we learned about. I sure as HELL can't tell you we learned about HELL unless I say HELL, can't I?
Homer: Well, the lad has a point.
Bart: Hell, yes!
Marge: Bart!
Bart: (singing) Hell, Hell, Hell, Hell...
Marge: Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.

"Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
(excerpt from the new McBain movie)
Female Commando: You certainly broke up that meeting.
McBain: Right now, I'm thinking about holding another meeting...in bed.
How cheap was that?

"Bart's Dog Gets An F"
(Bart tries to impress Emily Winthrop with his control over his dog)
Bart: Now... Sit! I said, Sit! (Santa's Little Helper walks away) Um, take a walk. Sniff that other dog's butt. See? He does exactly what I tell him.

"Old Money"
(Grampa is interviewing people to see who most deserves his $106 000 inheritence money)
Frink: (showing off his new death ray) With proper funding, I'm confident this little baby could destroy an area the size of New York City.
Grampa: But I want to help people, not kill them.
Frink: Well, to be honest, the ray only has evil applications...You know, my wife will be happy. She's been against this whole death ray thing from the beginning.

"Brush With Greatness"
When Homer slides down the waterslide H2Whoa!, he gets stuck. The ride operator sends some kids down to dislodge the object, but the kids scream and clog up the tube some more. The camera from behing Homer shows arms and legs jutting out from the sides. Funny stuff!

(Marge offers Homer a rice cake that has only 35 calories)
Marge: You can put a little something on top for flavor.
Homer: Now you're talking! (He fumbles around a bit and pulls a multi-decker sandwich sitting on the rice cake out of the microwave) Mmm. Only thirty-five calories.

While working out, Homer tries to lift a barbell with two large weights at the ends. He struggles, but raises the bar higher as one weight falls off the end and then the other. He lifts the bar triumphantly above his head as both weights are down on the ground.

"Lisa's Substitute"
Homer: Did you hear that, Marge? She called me a babboon! The stupidest, ugliest, smelliest ape of them all!

Martin: (campaign speech) In a sample taken in this very classroom, a state inspector found 1.74 parts per million of asbestos!
Bart: That's not enough! We demand MORE asbestos!
Class: More asbestos! More asbestos! More asbestos!

Bart and Homer make campaign signs, including one that says "SEX" in bold letters, and underneath, "Now that I've got you're attention, vote for Bart!"

"Three Men And A Comic Book"
Homer: A hundred bucks!? For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?

(Bart, Milhouse and Martin get into a scuffle at their treehouse sleepover during a thunderstorm)
Marge: Homer, can you check on the boys? (Homer looks out the window. In between lightning strikes, he sees the boys strangling each other)
Homer: (nonchalant) They're fine.

"Blood Feud"
(Homer explains to Bart why he should donate blood to Mr. Burns using a story about a lion rewarding Hercules for pulling a thorn out of his paw)
Bart: How did a lion get rich?
Homer: Uh, it was the olden days.

*All-time Favorite!

Homer: (in fake voice) Hello. My name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postman: Okay, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?
Homer: I...don't know.

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